Wednesday, December 31, 2008

December Funnies (Part 3)

December 26, 2008

My friend Sam: Happy boxing day.
Me: A day to celebrate Mike Tyson? AWESOME!

I'm going to talk all high pitched today and maybe get a tattoo on my face later!

About the band in Jabba's Palace in Return of the Jedi:
The group are classified as jizz-wailers, which, according to the Star Wars Encyclopedia , refers to a "musician who plays a fast, contemporary, and upbeat style of music."

I jizz-wailed a little bit ago, but it had nothing to do with Star Wars or music.

December 29, 2008

The Browns were named after Paul Brown. Then they moved to Baltimore to become the Ravens and actually win. Then the NFL started a new team in Cleveland to continue on with the Browns tradition of playing like absolute ass.

The Buffalo Bills were named after Buffalo Bill who contrary to popular belief, did not die of kidney failure. He instead died of choking on man-meat courtesy of some Giant(s) Redskins and Cowboys.

December 30, 2009

They should make tard roads specifically for the SpEds to drive on. They could put up giant plastic bumpers along the side of the road like when they take the tards bowling, and could even make the cars that drive on the tard roads sort of a cross between go-karts and bumper cars.

And of course everyone on the tard road will need to wear their hockey helmets.

My friend Ellie: Yay, I can make fun of the doctor instead of Speech Rec! From a labor and delivery admission report:
"She did have a previous vaginal delivery in 2006, a 2-year-old that weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces and was healthy and active."
She delivered a two-year-old? I'll BET he was active!
Me: If she waited 2 years to deliver, I'll bet you could fit a tuba into her vagina.

Bloody lol?

I just imagined Count von Count going "AH AH AH AH" with blood all over the place like some Cannibal Corpse album cover. It was pretty awesome.

When your parents are a hardcore atheist and a Buddhist, a Seventh-Day Adventist church-run daycare isn't the place for you.

I've never had the pleasure of flying over Ohio - I've always had the misfortune of driving through it. :-(

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