Sunday, November 30, 2008

November Funnies (Part 2)

November 14, 2008

See I'd love to see a movie with Jedi fighting off mutants with chainsaws and tentacle rape monsters, preferrably with a death metal soundtrack.

Ahahahaha the guy in the conference room next to me is ending his conference call and said "Does anyone have anything they want to share?" and my first instinct was to say very loudly that I love my penis.

I can geek out about things, just not geeky things. I'm the anti-geek, but in the geekiest way possible.

I dunno. lol

(Talking about a girl abandoned by her parents at a Nebraska hospital)
Hmm 17 years old, abandoned in the middle of nowhere... No money, no friends, nothing...

I'll bet she surfaces at a strip club in Lincoln going by "Diamond".

(About a photo showing President Bush and a women's sports team flashing some sort of hand signal)
Fancy hand signals - not just for inner city poor kids and the deaf anymore.

November 16, 2008

Every mushroom has a different flavor, and while I've never tasted jizz I can't say I've ever had a mushroom that smelled like bleach and tadpoles.

November 17, 2008

Paste was minty. If they didn't want kids to eat it, they should have made it taste like burning rubber instead of something yummy.

Isn't that the point of Viagra? To magically fix something that's been broken for years?

November 19, 2008

Jello friction. Sounds like either an awesome punk band or a bad porno movie.

November 20, 2008

(To a friend asking how to propose to his girlfriend)
I say do it in the form of a knock-knock joke.

"Who's there?"
"Will who?"
"Will who marry me?"

Knock-knock jokes are appropriate for all of life's serious occasions.

"Who's there?"
"Grandma's dead"

November 22, 2008

Yeah but you're Canadian. You celebrate July 4th in the snow.

November 24, 2008

If only I could give people nervous tics or induce seizures.

No really, I wish I could.

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