Monday, November 10, 2008

November Funnies (Part 1)

November 3, 2008

(About an Aerosmith-themed ride at Disney)
I am imagining a roller coaster that goes up and down over mountains of blow.

November 5, 2008
Warren G. Harding (better known as Warren G.) was our first black President. He and Nate Dogg had to regulate on Germany, Austria, and Hungary.

(About doing a dance with co-workers to celebrate the Obama victory)
Not sure what to tell you. There aren't many people here I'd like to do the "we did it" dance with. I'd just wind up feeling dirty and questioning my judgement later on.

I'm actually rather touched that he remembered my affinity for Star Wars.

I am still not gonna bugger him though.

I think I just died inside a little. But it was probably a weak part of me anyway, and this has made me stronger.

(About why Rush Limbaugh didn't update his website for a day or two after Obama got elected)
Maybe he OD'd on oxycontin and doughnuts?

(About voting against a candidate running for local office who is anti-abortion, anti-pornography, and anti-premarital sex)
If she got in power, what would I be able to do for my "Teen moms in need of cash make dirty movies" fetish?

November 7, 2008

I always doubted Georgia's version of events because they had so much to gain and Russia had so much to lose with the scenario. Georgia was butthurt because NATO said they wouldn't let them join (mainly because their army is third-rate), and wants so desperately to sit at the cool kids table. They figured if they could provoke Russia into a war Russia wasn't keen on being in and defeat them rather quickly, NATO would see the error of their ways and let them join. Too bad they pissed off one of the top 3 militaries in the entire world. Oops!

Russia on the other hand was finally enjoying semi-normalized relations with the West, and invading a country would ruin any goodwill that had been built over the last 20 years or so. Then again, they weren't about to sit back and let a Third World "military" show them up on an international stage, so they UNLEASHED THE FUCKING FURY like a drunk Yngwie Malmsteen on a trans-Atlantic flight.

(About why Brit Hume stepped down from being an anchor on Fox News)
I hear his son defeated him in a duel and will help him remove his mask, thus helping him regain his humanity.

When I was in 5th grade, the teacher asked us to spell a word she pronounced as "chik". She would not use it in a sentence, so I spelled it "chick". She said it was wrong, and went on to the next kid. Several more people were disqualified when they could not spell it until finally one of the dumber kids in the class spelled out "chic". He went on to the spelling bee, and I learned that inbred redneck teachers shouldn't ever try to pronounce words with foreign origins.

November 10, 2008

Oh come on I can't be the only one who's fapped to flamingo porn...

My son just said that Barack Obama was his "homie".

God bless America.

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