Alan and Me Vol. 3

I tried to come up with some sort of preface for this, but I just can't.

10:51 AM me: I'm so glad I'm working from home
10:51 AM me: I think I just threw up out of my butt
10:51 AM me: It was like I was hiding a gallon of chocolate milk
11:09 AM Alan: yesterday i buttpuked such a large turd i sang an ode to it called Chocolate Brain
11:10 AM me: lol
11:10 AM me: Dude this was seriously gnarly
11:10 AM me: I had to sprint back to the bathroom because i thought I was done, but I wasn't
11:10 AM me: Seriously, I don't remember drinking a gallon of coffee yesterday

Conversation with M

M is a good friend of mine. hSe gets hit on by creeps and doesn't afraid of anything...

12:03 PM M: zomg
12:03 PM M: friend sent me $350
12:04 PM me: nice!
12:05 PM M: yeah
12:05 PM M: it's a farker
12:05 PM M: :\
12:06 PM me: hehe why doesn't that surprise me?
12:07 PM me: Get him to send me some $ too
12:07 PM M: :(
12:07 PM M: he wants me to move out to california
12:08 PM H: says he has a plane ticket for me whenever I want it
12:08 PM M: I didn't believe him, so he sent me $350 to prove he was serious
12:08 PM me: That's kinda creepy

Later on

12:29 PM M: :( the green shoes are the only ones left :(
12:29 PM M: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&item=220327245123
12:29 PM M: sfw
12:29 PM me: Maybe your friend bought the other pairs and has them waiting for you in his basement.
12:29 PM M: you're a bastard
12:29 PM M: I <3 you

Dinosaur Porn

Another conversation between Alan (80) and I. The part about anatomically correct dinosaurs keeping me up at night? True story.

Milk: Know what I was thinking for some reason last night before I fell asleep?
Milk: Why don't you ever see anatomically correct dinosaurs?
80: what IS an anatomically corect dinosaur Milk?
80: :-/
Milk: They couldn't have all been female
Milk: How come when you see drawings or even toy figures of dinosaurs, they never have dicks?
80: ok Milk
80: you are as f*cked in the head as me
Milk: This seriously kept me awake last night
80: thats teh most awesome thing i heard all day
Milk: Heh
Milk: I was thinking of making a meme
Milk: that would require a picture of a dinosaur with a gigantic phallus
80: i think teh Trex would have a small dick though
80: to match the hands
Milk: then I realized I'd never seen one
Milk: Not in like books, not on figures, not even in like museums
80: T rex will have small dicks , so teh heej's can happen
80: and brontosaurus' wil have the longest disks, so they can get deep throated
Milk: lawl
Milk: omg
Milk: RULE 34
80: LOL
80: DINO PORN
Milk: Raep-a-saurus Rex
80: hahaha
Milk: I was going to use the same eyes and teeth as Raepraham Lincoln
Milk: put it on a T-Rex
Milk: And have some huge cack there