Epicest Fresh Prince of All Time

So if you've read this, you know that there's nothing I like more than Fresh Prince-rolling my friend Alan. It's so great - I'll somehow work it into a conversation, he'll get mad and tell me he hates me, I'll lol...

This time though was fucking epic. I was literally crying in public I was laughing so hard.

4:03 PM me: I' here dude
4:03 PM me: Jsut for a bit though
4:05 PM me: k I'm gonna head out
4:05 PM me: There's a couple of guys standing here
4:05 PM Alan: :-/
4:05 PM me: They're up to no good
4:05 PM Alan: what kinda guys?
4:05 PM Alan: OH
4:05 PM Alan: GOD
4:05 PM Alan: DAMN
4:05 PM Alan: YOU
4:05 PM me: They're starting o make trouble in my neighborhood
4:05 PM me: :-D
4:05 PM Alan: gah
4:05 PM me: Holy shit I'm crying
4:05 PM Alan: really
4:06 PM Alan: yuore a bastard
4:06 PM me: You totally fell for that
4:06 PM me: Oh shit man
4:06 PM me: I gotta run
4:06 PM Alan: i was all concerened even you assface!
4:06 PM Alan: ok
4:06 PM Alan: asshole
4:06 PM me: Gotta go put a cool cloth on my face
4:06 PM me: See you later

Fresh Prince of Delaware

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upisde down
I'd like to take a minute so just sit right there
And I'll tell you how I became the Prince of a state called Delaware

On the westside of Daytona I was raised
On the beachside is where I spent most of my days
Chillin out maxin out relaxing all cool
Doin all sorts of drugs while skipping school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Called the cops on me in my neighborhood
I almost got a charge and I got scared
I said "F*ck this shiat I'm moving to Delaware"

I rented a U-Haul when the time was here
I drove it through DC consumed by fear
That I'd get jacked or shot right there
But I said "Naah forget it, I'm almost in Delaware"

I pulled up to the apartment about 2 or 3
And I yelled at some crackhead to get away from me
I looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Delaware

Fresh Prince of the County Jail

Ok a little back story is appropriate here. My friends Max and Ellie were living with a guy named Bill. I say "were" because one day Bill was hauled off to jail on charges he molested his daughter. From everything Max and Ellie have told me, Bill is a stand-up guy and would never do this while his daughter is a lying, manipulative little cunt.

So their best friend gets hauled off to jail, and how do I respond?

With a Fresh Prince-roll, of course...

Now this is the story all about how
Bill's life got flipped-turned upside-down
I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how he became the prince of the County Jail

In West Delaware, Ohio born and raised
With Max and Ellie is how he spent most of his days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
Goofin' off with Max, both acting like fools
When one of his kids who was up to no good
Lied to the cops in the neighborhood
There was one little allegation of CP and the cops got scared
They said "You're moving in with Bubba down at the County Jail"

They whistled for a squad car and when it came near
The license plate said "U-Haul" and you could see Chris Hansen in the mirror
If anything I can say that this raid was rare
Then I thought "What the shiat- they're taking Bill to Jail!"

He pulled up to the station a few hours later
And the cops all thought they had a perpetrator
In prison he sits and we hope the trial is fair
And one day Bill will no longer be the Prince of the County Jail

Apparently Bill got a laugh out of it.

Fresh Prince of Tel-Aviv

To my friend Jay who was having trouble with a sales rep he works with from Israel)
Hrm. Know any Palestinian reps?

Later...
My friend Max: Saying something bad about Israel! Why are you an America hating traitor?!
Me: Because I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Tel-Aviv" I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "Meshuggah" and had a dreidel in the mirror I thought if anything that the cabbie was rank but I said "Oy vey, yo goy to the West Bank" I pulled up to the settlement about 7 or 8 and I said to the cabbie "Look out for suicide bombers" I looked at God's Kingdom it was nothing but sand so I sat on my throne as the king of the Holy Land

Fresh Prince roll of Alan

It never gets old...

6:20 AM me: Hey man how come you're not shootin some b-ball outside of school?
6:20 AM Alan: lol! i was JUST headed out!
6:20 AM me: Oh I thought you were going to say that a couple of guys who are up to no good started making trouble in your neighborhood
6:20 AM me Have fun man
6:21 AM Alan: i hate you
6:21 AM me: I kjnow
6:21 AM Alan: thats jusy unfair
6:21 AM me: :-D
6:23 AM Alan: lol
6:23 AM Alan: bye
6:23 AM Alan: hope your day is god
6:23 AM Alan: um
6:23 AM Alan: GOOD
6:23 AM me: You too
6:23 AM Alan: you aint no BNudda jus yet
6:23 AM me: Just don't get in any fights
6:23 AM me: Your mom will get scared
6:24 AM me: She might even send you to live with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air
6:25 AM Alan: GOD DDAMMIT
6:26 AM Alan: BYE!
6:26 AM me: Later man
6:26 AM me: Go whistle for a cab...